1.2.3

my days have been bad. reli bad.

1.
ppl get irritated cos i get irritated with them for no reason.
like my mom.
i dunno y i get so irritated wen she is blur.
n especially wen she dusnt noe where she is heading.
she is old.
but i cant get that into my head n be patient with her.
i juz boil.
very often nowadays.
very.
for no good reason.
i hate myself.


2.
ppl.
he is so annoyed that i din go for practice on wed n wont be going later today.
he dusnt understand ppl.
she is right.
perfectly right.
but i hate to accept that as an excuse to accept him for who he is.
dunt u urself think he is crossing his limits by wanting to sack her.
juz cos she din come for practice in the morn.
wen she is only leaving in the evening.
come on lah ppl.
i expect u to noe better.
as a student urself, i bet u din enjoy work or sch during what they claim to be holidays.
and it is not abt whether we like it or not.
i noe we have to start practicing.
but this is too much alrite.
wen ppl leave the country, they need to prepare stuff.
and if they leave at night, that dusnt mean they will be perfectly free in the morning.
they will have some other stuff to pack.
or atleast some last duties to finish up before they leave.
and its not that.
give me a break man.
i need one.
a break.
u noe.
u r annoying me.
for the first time.
i dun wanna see ur face.
u juz make me feel so guilty for no fault of mine.
u r good at it arent u.
hurting ppl.
u call it high expectations.
i call it pure selfishness.
i hate u.


3.
a few days back.
i went to register for my i/c.
as i was waiting.
i saw this boy.
he is maybe 2 yrs old.
he is deaf.
i did feel sorry for him.
so young.
so innocent.
was it his fault.
no.
not at all.
he was wearing this hearing aid machine.
what i call obvious monsters.
poor him.
i saw him.
i admired him.
for how strong he was despite all that torture.
then i looked away.
my mum dint.
she stared and stared.
i dint like that.
she stared and stared.
i reli dint like that.
i feel it is rude.
staring at others' defects and making it too obvious.
imagine u had a pimple on ur nose.
and ppl.
everyone.
ppl staring at u everywhere u go.
but my mum.
i understand.
she felt pity for him.
but i still dint like the fact that she was staring and staring.
i knew deep inside me.
he wld become a great known man all over the world.
who cares if he is deaf.
he can walk, run, see, smell.
who at all cares if he is deaf.
he is unique.
he is a gem.
he will decide his life.
he will stand in his own two feet.
he will succeed.
still i thot.
he dint deserve that punishment.
that young seedling.
so much pain.
i hate god.


i wanted the world to hug me.
i felt so good wen it did, a few yrs back.
but as time passed, its grip tightened.
i started to choke.
it strangled me.
tighter.
tighter.
tighter.
tighter.
tighter.
i m suffocating.
tighter.
i m choking.
tighter.
tighter.
i m in pain.
tighter.
tighter.
tighter.
i m dying.
tighter.
dont save me.
tighter.
let me die.
tighter.
please.
let me die.

uyir vida sonnaal uyir vidukindren...unai vida sonnaal unai vida maaten!