I think I love you, for real

Maybe life has something else planned for me. I mean, sensible people know very well that you don't always get what you want, right? You ask for something and you don't get it. Or, you avoid something but, it keeps coming to you. That's the way of life, people. I'm old enough to know that already. but the problem here right now is, me knowing the possibilities of it happening on certain areas of my life which I want to be perfect. You know? I mean, c'mon! Don't I have the right to have at least, say, 2 or 3 aspects of my life turn out the way I want. I'm not that mean an individual to deserve nothing nice. Oh well, maybe God wants me to have things happen my way in other things. Well, that could be it. Yeah, that should be it. God's complicated, yet beautifully sculpted fate of life.

You know, it amuses me how bad things always accumulate or trigger a chain reaction to do good to someone. It's just.. it's freaking amazing. Cos, I strongly believe that all these obstacles make an ordinary man a true man. A true, strong man. Sometimes emotionally, sometimes physically. For the people who ought to be considered gems, sometimes even both ways.

People always complain about the flaws in others or themselves. Well, even I do. I can be mean sometimes. That's a flaw in me. But, hey. One thing I'm glad about myself is, I have, some time ago, realised that these painful/ugly flaws are the ones that add character and personality to a man. If not, everyone is going to be the same, and the world will be a boring stage.

I've been told since young that who I grow up to be depends on myself. Yes. It is very true. But, coming to think about it, my perspectives pertaining that idea have changed. A lot. Because I believe what make me grow up to be who I will be are the people, the objects, the incidents, the environment around me. And not ME myself. Because, it is because of these building blocks of life that I react and behave the way I do.And eventually, they help to mould me into a person with certain qualities that complete me.

Of course, I also agree that sometimes it depends on one's mentality. What they think is right and wrong. What they think they should do and not.What is good and bad. It does depend on the way he thinks. but, think again. Why does he think like that? Because the people around him have made him so. The only thing that an individual decides, is WHO to notice in life, and WHAT to notice. The rest is up to the world. And what makes him notice these particular things and not the rest? God. Because, He has already planned what this man is going to be in life.

Well, I guess I've somewhat digressed. It's getting a little spiritual in here. And trust me, I am NOT into that as much. Haha. But, still, I'm just saying what I want to.

My point initially was about myself. And... LIFE in general. I know I mentioned 'aspects of life' earlier. So, what are the aspects of life? Trust me, I have no clue. For the immature 18 year-old I am, they may mean.. well... immature things.

Things like...

1) Parents

2) Siblings

3) Family

4) Friends

5) Home

6) Love

7) Life partner

8) Children

9) Childhood

10) Work

11) Memories

12) Abilities/Talents

13) Luxuries

14) Beliefs

15) Character

16) Morals

And I could go on and on and on and on....Aspects of life. They shape who you are.

So, all I'm saying is that, I want certain aspects of my life to be, not perfect, but the way I want them.I'm not asking for too much, am I?

Because sometimes, God, it hurts. It hurts so bad to think I am not even capable of one of the most beautiful things in life. What more do I need to make me feel miserable? Maybe you have blessed me in something else. Maybe. If that is it, let me know. Let me know, please. So I can learn to appreciate it even more than I probably already have been.

I just know I'm starting to think how long this will take. How long I have to wait. If it will ever happen. If it does, how, when, and why. I just want to know. I just only want to know.

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On a totally random note, I so wanna watch The Taking Of Pelham 123. I think Washington and Travolta are such an awesome pair. Woo! And, people, I think you deserve to live only if you've watched and loved Seven Pounds. Getcha ass movin' outta here, baby!

"You think I'm tryinna hit on you?....... Eh?"

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So, are you really in love?

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